Advil?
by Kasdan
Summary: First fic, so please R&R :) Two days of leave, and what better way to spend them at Sam's place? Read Notes if you want it to make -sense-. Slight slash, but not graphical.


:Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own SG-1 and I'm not making money off them. If I did own them, I still wouldn't make mney 'cause protitution's just WRONG and I'd want 'em all for myself. So you people in your nice, expensive suits can go suck a zat gun for all I care. :)  
  
:Pairing: D/J :) Best pair in the world!  
:Rating: PG-13. Just 'cause, well, y'know. Drunks, swearing, sex-talk. Etc  
  
:Notes: If I spelt Illarus wrong, or they've already gone to P5X-328, feel free to tell me. I know I may not be the best educated, ans plus, this is only my first fic. So please to R&R? Or I'll beat you with a dead staff weapon.  
  
:More Notes: I know these things are annoying, but I just wantred to say this won't be too descriptive 'cause I've been too busy lately and just wanted to finish this thing ASAP in light of my other things to do, ergo, it's short. And T/D wasn't in it, but I might fix it up later  
  
-----  
  
'Heyyyy, kids!' Jack hollered, skipping into my office.  
  
Wait one bloody minute.  
  
SKIPPING?  
  
Eek.  
  
I'm scared...  
  
Middle-aged USAF colonels and skipping do NOT mix.  
  
That's what I think, anyway. Ever seen Meybourne skip? Hehehe... *EG*  
  
Jack poked me back into existence. 'Helloooo? Illarus to Sam?'  
  
Uh? Uh. 'Yeah. Hey, Jack.'  
  
He rolled back and forth on the balls of his feet, poking the naquada reactor. Damn, he poked things a lot. 'Whatcha doin'?'  
  
Daniel looked up form the pile of books he'd ever-so-gentleman'ly dumpe don my desk to give me some company. ''Lo, Jack.'  
  
'Spacemonkeyyy.'  
  
'That's the name, don't wear it out.  
  
'Whatcha got?'  
  
'Translations from P5X-328. These people were sick...'  
  
'Sick?'  
  
'Sick. Like. Perverted. But ANYWAY...'  
  
'Yeah. ANYWAY. How so?'  
  
Daniel glared his ever-glareful, and Jack raised his hands defensively. 'Okay! I don't want to know! I'll just... wait 'til the briefing. What FUN.' He rolled his eyes.  
  
There was a knock on the door. 'Major Carter?'  
  
It was my turn to look up from the all-mighty work.  
  
'Teal'c! G'Morning!'  
  
Jack scowled. 'How come I didn't get a 'G'Morning!'?!'  
  
I ignored him. He picked up a magifying glass, stood in front of me, and shoved it under his nose, giving me a big-screen version of his mouth, repeating his pervious question in slow-motion. 'HHOOWW CCOOMMEE??'  
  
Raising an eyebrow, I snatched it away from him, sicking it under MY nose. 'BBEECCAAUUSSEE.'  
  
He snatched it back. 'BBEECCAAUUSSEE??'  
  
Daniel raised a hand.  
  
'Yes, DanielJackson?' Teal'c answered, raising an eyebrow of his own.  
  
'Has ANYONE considered Sam's offer about tonight? I know I did.'  
  
Jack took a stool jumped onto it, sacking himself in the process. Wincing, he nodded slightly 'Yeah.' came the short, squeaky reply.  
  
'I have indeed, DanielJackso--' Daniel glared. 'Danielle.' Weird how all the alien women, and Teal'c, called him 'Danielle'.  
  
I perked up, shoving my beloved reactor to the other side of the table. 'Aaand...?  
  
'I'm coming.'  
  
'I as well.'  
  
'Yeahshureyoubetcha.'  
  
------  
  
Two days of leave, and what better way to spend them then with the people I spend my everyday life with ANYWAY. Working under strict confidential orders in the USAF REALLY doesn't give you much of a life, hrmm? How do I get stuck wiht these people...?  
  
For example:  
  
Daniel Jackson: Geek extrodinaire Archaeologist, linguist. All-around geek. But I suppose that doesn't mean much with me saying it, since I have a PhD in Astrophysics... Married to a Goa'uld HOST. Parents squished ot death under a BLOCK. Geez. Bad luck.  
  
CO Jack O'Neill: Ex-ex colonel. Once retired, back again. Middle-aged and sarcastic as hell. Refers to us as 'kids'... even Teal'c. How old is he?!  
  
Teal'c: Damned old semi-Goa'uld Jaffa thing gone good. Ex-First prime to Apophis, system lord-gone-kablooie...  
  
Enough with that. Doorbell...  
  
'Major Carter. Greetings.'  
  
'Hey camper! Howyadoin?' Jack sure liked running sentences together.  
  
'Fine, great. Come on in. Daniel isn't here yet, so free reign while I go find something in my room.'  
  
'Aye aye, captain!' Jack hollered, flinging himself onto my NEW, UNTOUCHED BY JACK couch. Grrr....  
  
Teal'c sat on the other end, and they flicked it on. Opening my door, I grabbed a movie from my table and swung back into the hallway. I could hear the Star Trek: Voyager theme playing on full blast, and Jack and Teal'c laughing their asses off.  
  
Doorbell. Probbaly Daniel. And it's... Daniel! Whoo, I'm a prophet.  
  
'Hey, Sam. Brought some.. er..' Daniel stared at the label. 'Beeer...'  
  
'Great, stick it in the fridge. Teal'c and Jack are already here, geting high on Voyager again.'  
  
'Oh, shit.'  
  
'Yeup.'  
  
A half a face peeked out from the side of the wall and a big chunk of 40-something year old jumped out and yelled 'BOO!' in a poor attempt to scare Daniel.  
  
'Nice try, Jack.'  
  
'You're getting rusty, Sir.'  
  
'Shuddap. Spacemonkeyy!' he rustled the archaeologist's hair.  
  
'Hey Jack.'  
  
'Ooh, beeer...' Jack took it away from Daniel and head toward the kitchen.  
  
Daniel turned to me, worried. I nodded, simplifying it.  
  
'Beer plus Jack equals drunk Jack. Bad, bad drunk Jack...'  
  
'Hello, DanielJackson.' Teal'c slid out of a doorway, making Daniel jump. Jack jumped out of the kitchen. 'AHA! HE GOT YOU! FEEL THE BURN, PLANT-BOY!' and skittered away again, picking up the movie I'd set down momentarily.  
  
'OH GOD. YES! WOOHOO!' He held it up, and started singing. 'He thought you were the...' he ursed his lips. 'Candymann...'  
  
Daniel stared. 'Rocky Horror?! That's so... degrading.'  
  
I chuckled. 'We'll have oyu singing before the night's out, don't you worry.'  
  
'Ooh, I'm not.'  
  
Teal'c raised an eyebrow. 'What is this... 'Rocky' that you speak of? Is it mandatory that I am greeted to him?'  
  
Jack laughed. 'Naw. He's a tan dude with blonde hair who runs around and sings in booty shorts. You'll love it.'  
  
'I'm sure.'  
  
Jack ran back into the TV room, sticking the video into the VHS. 'EVERYBODY. GETINHERENOW. ANBRINGTHEBEER.' I trekked off to the kitchen, grabbed the beer, and ran back to join the other three on the couch.  
  
------  
  
Whoo. Jack and Daniel're doing all the songs, dancing, the whole bit. Jack makes a pretty convincing Riff-raff. *G* Already watched it twice. A third time? Grr. Starting to fele kinda woozy, but Jack and Daniel are feeling the worst. Teal'c refused to 'consume alcohol', but we've changed that. He'll be falling off this here couch in a matter of bottles.  
  
------  
  
Threee waltches laturr, wur awl drunkh off our arsez an wunderang whaddahell to dooo. Ooh, looksh like Danyull has an idear...  
  
'Trooth or daer!'  
  
'Yaaah.'  
  
'Whoooooot!'  
  
'I am unfamiliar with that concept.'  
  
Daniel pipes up. 'Yoo take turrns. Givum a trooth ooor a...' he turned upside down on the couch, hanging his head on the floor. 'daareee...'  
  
Being drunk rules.  
  
Jack looks like he wantsta say sum't. He's got his hand waving aroond... Lemmee ask. 'Yoou, in the back rooo?'  
  
'Thanksh mish. Err. I'd like too saaay? YE'EZ ALL GONNA LOOOOOOOZE.'  
  
'Breeng me muh Sheepwhore...!' Daniel started winging  
  
I shtared. 'DEENYEEL. YE KNOW TARTAN TERRORSH?!'  
  
'Duh.'  
  
Running to the CD, I desperately pressed 'play', skipped to track two, and jumped on his lap. 'TA-DA!'  
  
We started singing, sticking each other's arms around our shoulders, Jack slipped in on the other sid eof Daniel's lap and declared that if I insist on owning him, I have to share. Mrr. Whatever. Don't want him anyhoo.  
  
'Wherrr yah gooin, Smarm?' I just inched off my half Daniel's lap.  
  
'Therre's someee. Jack Danyul's in tha fridge. Umma goo geet sum.' Daniel nodded, bonking Jack's head in the process, causing the pair to break into a series of whines. Heh. so much for a hard-ass army CO, eh?  
  
------  
  
Mmkay. After that Jack Daniel's, I don't remember much. Er... There... was... Yeah, we played Truth or Dare. I remmeber gay kissing. And Teal'c dancing in one of my bras or something. No more alcohol for this team for a long while.  
  
And Jack and Daniel spent the night in my room. *EG* Bad boys. Heard moaning, swearing, ect.   
  
Memo to self: wash sheets. Disinfect room. Febreeze time.  
  
Ooh, here they come.  
  
''Morning, campers!'  
  
'Hey everybody.'  
  
'And everybody means me, Daniel?'  
  
'Yes, you, Sam. Where's Teal'c?'  
  
Teal'c's head shot up from the couch where he was sleeping. 'Were you requesting me, DanielJackson?'  
  
Jack stared groggily. 'Dude. I wish I had that kind of a morning stamina.' He stared at me. 'Coffeeee. For Colonel. Colonel need coffee.'  
  
Grinning, I nodded and pointed to the kitchen. 'That way, Frank.' He glared. Priceless. Grabbing Daniel's hand, he dragged him into the kitchen.  
  
Ten minutes later, he appeared again, two mugs of coffee in his hands, two more in Daniel's. They passed out the coffee and sat down on the floor, where Teal'c tossed all the pillows the night before. Jack put his arm around Daniel, and Daniel cuddled into Jack.  
  
'Cute, sir.'  
  
'Hammond will not be pleased.'  
  
'Hammond doesn't have to find out, does he?' I implied with a wink.  
  
'Thanks, Sam.' Daniel muttered sleepily. between sips of coffee. Lifting it to his nose, he took a whiff, which made his eyes shoot open immediately. 'Nothing like coffee in the morning, eh, Spacemonkey?' Jack asked, grinning. 'Nope, nothing like it... where's the advil?' 


End file.
